Sunday, May 2
is making me afraid. It's nothing unethical, because all I have to do is meet new
people and be with them like they are more than acquaintances. After all, we're
all just using each other to attain our goals, isn't that the reality of such an industry?
I am afraid however, because my nature is pretty incapable of behaving this way.
I will definitely miss full time work at The Barnyard. Work there gave me opportunities
to rediscover myself and be in touch with friendship again. I enjoyed my time there
and am reluctant to put it down. Yet life holds more in the future that I look forward
to as well. No doubt, I frequently think about the way I wrecked myself and messed
the lives of others occasionally, and how it was to love and be loved romantically.
I have a commitment now to re prioritize my ideas and rethink my feelings for girls.
Eleven years which I hope would stop counting, I have been confused and at some
point convinced to accept myself. Though I have made changes in the way I self inflict,
indulge in drinks and smoke. Sigh. I still need a lot of prayer and a lot of God. I might be
I'll be all right.